Winter Slush Surprise! Class
It’s cold as fuck and the roads are full of nasty slush. You don’t have to just bend over and take it anymore. Punch Seasonal […]
Articles by Esmerelda Q. Jones
Fine-tuning your Dream Catcher to Catch Dreams that Don’t Suck So Much
Time to face facts, numbnuts: your life sucks and everyone knows it. Prob’ly cuz your dream catcher fell in the toilet. Is that a metaphor? […]
Nourishing your Spirit Animal…with your EBT Card
You can’t reach nirvana on government cheese…especially when you got yourself an EBT card burning a hole in your sweatpants pocket. Come see how to […]
Hippie Re-Naming Ceremony
Throw off the shackles of your Western upper-middle-class post-colonial capitalist patriarchy! Prove your commitment to Earth Mother Gaia and the [Whatever You’re Into This Month] […]
Stewed Sea Urchin and Liver Sticks topped with Kielbasa and Cardamom Stroganoff
Oo, you so fancy. Your Cordon Bleu friends will be so jel. Ha ha. Them and their student loan debt! You and your dirty sweatpants! […]
Steaming Turkey with a side of Yellowed Sausage and Almond Paste
Holy shit that’s a lotta leftovers. What, ya can’t do math? Stupid turkey math fucked you up. Well, I guess you gotta look on the […]
Creamy Polish Sausage and Mock-Duck Soup served with Greenish Hazelnut and Lime Sandwich
Your fancy ass deserves a nice treat once in a while. Go 1999 on yourself with this piece of unicorn horn. Here’s all you need. […]
Turkey Milkshake topped with Sweet Coriander and Bass Scramble
What the fuck is this is? It’s some protein for your dumbshit paleo diet. Rar, look at you, you’re a fucking caveman. Whoop de frikken […]
Decadent Hot Dog and Rutabaga Sauce topped with Beige Cheese Oil
Sometimes when you’re feeling all fucked up by The Man you need some comfort food. This big sloppy hot dog disaster and a joint is […]
Coriander and Carrot Juice topped with Sausage and Beaver
Show off to all your snooty food snob fake facebook friends when you post a picture of this culinary masterpiece. Your dumbass friends’ll think you […]